Food For Thought

Hello, my name is Paul Apgar. People call me Paul Apgar. No, the woman who came up with the Apgar Score is not related to me. Although she would have fit in with Meditech culture real well as she loves those crazy mnemonics!! I did get a 10 on the score... I'd probably fail it now though.

So what happened to Dave and his Dirty column? Well Dave is a clever fellow, and he found some secret loophole in which he can work 10% less hours and get paid 10% more in salary. Dave has moved to the Weekend Group. We'll all miss his antics greatly. But we won't miss his festering pile of issues because it is still here where he left it behind. Fun.

This column will be about my favorite subject: FOOD. I can write for hours on this subject because I obsess about it 24 hours a day. I love food. I feel the need to explain that sentence... When you go to a cheesy 30's or 40's movie, and see you see a woman fall into a man's arms and say with a southern drawl "Oh Walter, I looooove you!", that's pretty much how it is with me and food.

There will be various sections to the column, if there's enough interest:

• Food Topic Essay
• Poll of the Quarter
• Recipe of the Quarter
• Questions and Answers (please mail questions to me)
• Whatever else comes to mind at the time of writing...

The Theory Basically my theory goes as this: The more unlike Cola a particular type of soda is, the closer it comes to tasting like the real thing. In layman's terms, diet orange soda tastes much more like regular orange soda than Diet Coke does compared to regular Coke. Don't believe me? Try it for yourself! Go out and get regular Ginger Ale and then it's Diet equivalent, or pick Orange soda, or even 7UP. If you then get a Coke and Diet Coke and compare them you'll be shocked at the difference. Nobody is fooled by Diet Coke ... but I have done the old switch-a-roo on many an unsuspecting drinker who thought they were getting the real Ginger Ale... ha!

The Paradox of Diet Dr. Pepper Some people like the drink so much they name their cars after it. Every theory must have something that makes it seem untrue, or creates a paradox. Diet Dr. Pepper is that paradox. Dr. Pepper is a cherry-flavored cola that was developed in the late 1800's. Even though Dr. Pepper is a cola-type product, the Diet version of it is extremely close to the real thing. This confuses me to no end, so over the last two years I went about on a mission to alternate purchases between Diet Dr. Pepper and regular Dr. Pepper. I have attempted to get used to the regular Dr. Pepper (much to the demise of my health) and then switch cold-turkey to the Diet version. There is not enough difference between the two to elicit a reaction from me. Most intriguing.

Poll of the Quarter

"Mommy, mommy! I have ouchie in my toofie!

Recipe of the Quarter

Bob's Keilbasa Kabobs

Although summer is almost over, here's something you need to try before you close up the grill for the winter. This recipe I attribute to my father. The marriage of Bull's Eye bbq sauce and the keilbasa is something found sacred in my family.

Ingredients:
1 dozen bamboo skewers
1 large link of Keilbasa (turkey or real kind)
One large Vidalia Onion (or another sweet variety)
A couple large green peppers
A FULL bottle of Bull's Eye Barbecue Sauce

Soak the wooden skewers in water for half an hour. You take the entire Keilbasa and cut it up into 1/2 inch slices. You then cut up the onion and pepper into 1 inch square-ish pieces. Then you add the items to the skewer, with a piece of pepper & onion for ever piece of keilbasa. Near the end try to do some math so you can use up everything (sometimes you end up with a "vegetarian" skewer that has no keilbasa, that's ok.)

Take the finished kabobs and place them over a nice hot grill. Not too hot, you basically just want to warm up the keilbasa and get the veggies cooking. Then you heavily brush on the Bull's Eye (it MUST be Bull's Eye original brand). Immediately turn over the kabobs and brush the other side heavily. The heavier, the better! Don't worry if it drips down onto the coals, if you wanted to be a neat-freak then you shouldn't have started a barbecue! Go to Roche Brothers and get a pre-made meal then, you ninny. Being stingy with the sauce is one of the worst tragedies of American Cuisine. Stop the madness.

After they're done, put them on a nice plate and serve! Once in a while I will push them off the skewer and into a roll... just to get some of those carbs I sorely need.

Questions and Answers

Please submit any and all food questions to me by email.

Q: Whenever I make a Peanut-Butter and Jelly sandwich to take to work, by the time I eat it the sandwich is all soggy, and the jelly leaks through the bread. What can I do to prevent this?
Submitted By: Anonymous

A: What you are witnessing is known as a Jelly Bruise. This occurs when jelly makes contact with soft bread over a long period of time (hours). Sometimes what compounds the problem is having a hard object (drink, apple) pressing up against the sandwich, exacerbating the problem. This is the number one cause of depression among school children. Think about it, nothing is sadder than eagerly pulling out the sandwich your mom lovingly made you, just to find a purple mess in a ziplock bag. Tragic.

To prevent this from happening you need to provide a peanut butter shield. Instead of glopping on the peanut butter on one side, put a thin layer of peanut butter on both halves of the bread, then add the jelly. Of course this will hinder a steady spread of the jelly or preserves, but the protection of the bread is well worth the effort.

Historical note: I noticed this phenomena at an early age (2nd grade), and to correct it I requested Rye Bread for all my PBJ sandwiches. Although I got funny looks from my classmates, and a few recess period beatings, I rarely had a problem with jelly bruises even during the longest and hottest of days.